State of PA to require licenses on all bicycles
On June 1, 2021, the state of Pennsylvania will begin to enforce a new law requiring all bicycles used on public property to be licensed according to type. Each bicycle must have a 4X6" license plate mounted behind the seat. These plates will be color-coded according to the type of bicycle.
Road bikes will be subdivided into those bikes with the handlebars lower than the seat and those bikes with the handlebars higher than the seat. Any road bike with the handlebars higher than the seat will pay extra. One official was overheard saying that the extra fee will cover all of the damaged towing mirrors on passing trucks caused by oblivious road cyclists riding around with their handlebars too high.
Off road bicycles are subcategorized according to wheel size. When asked why, lawmakers responded that off road 29ers are used by cheaters and that real mountain bikers ride 26 inch wheels. There is also legislation in the works to officially rename 26 inch wheeled bikes “26ers” regardless of how ridiculous it sounds to virtually every mountain biker on the planet.
Finally, anyone riding a XC mountain bike will be given short test in which they will ride their bike and then be shown a life-size picture of a horse. Riders who scream “Strava” and pedal faster will be invited to the next beer run.